BXProject

[Vanny]

i think you forgot to mention that bandit helped at various points to 'fix it'. Speaking of which, where is the little butt fucker?

[Madcav]

Oh dear God. Bandit fixing things? I bet that's on par with my computer knowledge!

[Vanny]

do you change your password yet wanker?

[Father Ted]

Sounds like another good reason to detach Wales, plus it would give us some nice new beaches. Not that I have anything against the Welsh, i like them ( though have difficulty in eating a whole one). Im wondering if the surgical removal of Yorkshire and East Anglia too might be a good idea - better still detach Lancashire, float it out into the Irish sea, thereafter known as the Lanky Sea and declare independance from the rest of the UK with strict boarder controls (of course something would have to be done about Blackburn, but thats a simple matter). By Lancashire I do also include Manchester (which up to recently was part of Lanky anyway).
Might include Westmorland too - actually yeah, fuck it lets detach teh whole of the North West and Cumbria, float it out to sea and become an independant state. Abolish currancy, Fiscal policy will revolve around playing a useful part of society, so people like Bank managers and telesales reps can feck off to Yorkshire whilst Farmers, doctors, teachers, engineers and so on will all contribute to the smooth running of life - we prodiuce what we need and trade any surplus. We can go back to black and white wireless and singing around the piano down the pub for entertainment - all children will be issued with regualtion toys, for boys it will be a lump of wood fashioned to look like a rifle and a leather case football and for girls it will be a dolly in a pram and a hoola hoop.

Im gonna come back to this later as I can see things forming in my mind here and they loiok like giant slugs....

[mickey taker]

fucking hell Ted it would be easier , quicker and cheaper just to put you on your own little island

[Father Ted]

Yeah, that sounds good too, but would have to have regular supply drops of black pudding, cumberland sausages and Hollands Steak Pudding. Yeah, my own little world. I could grow a funny tash. Or even a fanny tash.
Can I keep some pigs and sheeps too?

[charlie]

Seeing as I almost certainly missed any blow-by-blow account - what's wrong with it? What's right with it?

The XM, that is.

its an exclusive 2.1 diesel with auto box, silver 90,000 miles

lucas epic fuel pump overuns

dies under load

abs light on

engine management light on

suspension in hard mode

hydraulic system filled with crud

these auto boxs are prone to failure but this one not dead yet

alarm knackered

plip doesnt work

old accident damage to side, rear door needs force to shut

air con u/s

cruise control u/s

9 previous owners = all round shed currently sorned

decent bits are

head gasket done

new stem seals

valves reseated

all new spheres

all fresh fluids

leather interior and door cards

two sets of alloys

new tyres

height correctors stripped and cleaned

new pads and discs

new strut tops

new glow plugs

injectors serviced

various new bits of hosing and lhm piping

new water pump

and cambelt and tensioners

im getting bored now

wasnt that bitch thatcher english ????

[docchevron132]

its an exclusive 2.1 diesel with auto box, silver 90,000 miles

1:lucas epic fuel pump overuns

2:dies under load

3:abs light on

4:engine management light on

5:suspension in hard mode

6:hydraulic system filled with crud

7:these auto boxs are prone to failure but this one not dead yet

8:alarm knackered

9:plip doesnt work

10:old accident damage to side, rear door needs force to shut

11:air con u/s

12:cruise control u/s

Right then.
1: 2: and 4: are almost certainly all related. Either, have a shufty about for a EPIC pump on the bay of E, or throw the fucking wank int he bin and sling a Bosch pump on the mofo.
No more EDC light, no more dying undeer load, no more run on, no more bullshit electronics that are wank.
Oh, does the car have a CAT?

3: Get it diagnostic tested if you cant be arsed to go throught he test proceedure.
I'd personally say it's gona be the O/S/F wheel sensor if the relay is live and switching.

5: get a diode kit, sorted.

6: Hydrocarnage (intentional SP)

7: If you're REALLY that worried about it, change the bloody filter, a bit of a faf of a job, but it's the filter blockage that spells the begining of the end for these boxes.

8: and 9: and? Dont stop the car from being used, and can be sorted at your leisure cant it?

10: hammer, maybe some doors from E bay at some stage?

11: well, again, thats something that can be fixed in the future as funds and will power allow aint it?

12: Almost certainly the vacuum unit in the N/S wing. Have a look on AF, Shane went through the whole set up on the "XM goes east" thread IIRC.

Not that bad now is it?

[Philhod]

I'll go with that Doc, I was going to come back with, like what's really wrong with it then??? Defo Bosch is the w2g.
I thought we covered the g/box olio filtres being a nessecitr..... important, ages back !!!

[Madcav]

I'll go with that Doc, I was going to come back with, like what's really wrong with it then??? Defo Bosch is the w2g.
I thought we covered the g/box olio filtres being a nessecitr..... important, ages back !!!

way2go is German? I didn't know that

[mickey taker]

and a deaf german at that ( Defo Bosch ):lol:

[docchevron132]

Fuck! Our collegue from Berkshire is a germ!
Where will it all end?

[Way2go]

As Basil would say "Don't mention the War!"

Nah, I'm English me and I don't even have the helmet to wear on the job like Regan in the Sweeney!

[Father Ted]

My grandfather was from Yorkshire... But obvioulsy I keep that fairly quiet...

[docchevron132]

I'd never have guessed Marty!

[Vanny]

i have no problem with a) people from Yorkshire b) Yorkshire its self (excluding but not limited to, Middlesburgh)

[docchevron132]

Parky's from Yorkshire, and he's great. That makes Yorkshire ok to me.
Although like anywhere else there's plenty of shit bits.

[Way2go]

i have no problem with a) people from Yorkshire b) Yorkshire its self (excluding but not limited to, Middlesburgh)

Middlesbrough hasn't been in the county of Yorkshire for donkeys mate since the abolition of the Ridings! It's in the county of Cleveland.

[Fish_Botherer]

Fuck! Our collegue from Berkshire is a germ!
Where will it all end?

Ich weiss nicht.

Wann Ihr freund Way2go hat gesagt

As Basil would say "Don't mention the War!"

Was Kreig meinte er?

War es die Normanische Krieg von 1066 wann die Anglo-Saxonishe leute war totalisch gefuckt und die Franzoschische leute war totalisch in England installiert?

Und, 920-ish jarhen spater, wann sie haben das Citroen BX importiert und es gekauft?

Wer kennt? Diese nacht ich habe zu viel wein getrunk (hic....hic......)

Arglwydd mawr yn y nefod....

Freiheit fur die Englishe leute!

[Madcav]

/\

I had one of those the wheels fell off!